Whisper Loudly

Current State

      I am in a state of slight discomfort right now. Wondering what the hell Ive gotten myself into. Im sitting in the library as Im typing this. And it doesnt make me any less nervous. Am I really doing this right now? Am I actually back in school. And taking 5 classes? Am I biting off more than I can chew? Am I gonna be a fail whale?

     In less than half an hour I start my first class of college. And Im still not any less nervous. Fuck Fuck Fuck kasdghakldbhk

To:

I know Ien think about I’m probably in no shape whatsoever to ever think about even dating any female, but I must say tonight you looked beautiful. Also along with every other time I’ve seen you. There’s just something about you that always attracts me so much. I just can’t seem to point it out. Just something in your overall swag.

Actually a bit intimidating. Here I am, with no sense in the “game.” Trying to play it. Friends say I just need to grow some cajones and go for it. It’s not that Im scared to holler, its just me being a bit nervous of the outcome.

I’m tired of them best-friend kind of girls. Although I do enjoy the company, I just aint trying to set myself up again for HB. Maybe one day.

Random thoughts.

My most favorite thing about Mary J is good music.

To:

I know I’ve always said that I couldn’t even think of being in a relationship right now. I need to focus on me. And that’s just what I’m doing it. I’m really trying to focus on me.

But in all honesty, as much as I’ve said that I dont need a relationship right now.

Sometimes I really wish I had a girl to talk to. Or just hang out with.

Holidays Just Don’t Seem The Same Anymore

Just a friend.

Ive been just that with so many girls, And put myself into the position of getting hurt so many times. I guess that’s just who I am. I’d rather be your friend than, nothing at all..

Dearest Mother,

Im sorry I was never the son you wanted me to be, The Popular, successful son, that you could be proud of and show off to all your friends. Sorry for being the worthless piece of shit that sleeps on your couch. Sorry I was never turned out how you intended me to be. Sorry for being the worst son in the world. Sorry for not making you proud, and not being a reason for you to smile about each day.

 Sorry I dont spit out money like them Slot machines. Sorry I aint rich or successful. Sorry I aint made of money, but maybe if I were made of money. I could feel loved by you again.

Sincerely,
The Sorry excuse For a son that Sleeps on the couch.